Leatherface meets the Crazies
by Katana Kunai
Summary: 5 friends want to find the original home of the murdering, cannibalistic, Hewitt family. Little do they know of the horror and hilarity that will ensue. M to be safe. *based on 2006 remake*


Katana: Hey, how's it going? I was writing this out and decided to publish it. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, meet my friends and me! R&R!

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"Hey, Nichole?" Jamie asked the woman sitting next to her in the driver's seat of the Hyundai Tucson.

"Yeah, Jamie?" Nichole answered.

"Why are we looking for an old piece of crap farm in the middle of Nowhere, Texas?" Jamie inquired.

Nichole looked to Jamie and decided to tell her. "You remember those old news articles that we had to work on in our history class and how I was working on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Well, I thought that we should totally check out the old grounds of the Hewitt family."

Jamie looked at Nichole like she needed help. "What?"

"You heard me. We're going in search of the original ground of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

"I did not agree to this!" Jamie shouted.

"Hey! I followed you on your trip to Camp Crystal Lake to see if Jason existed. Not to mention you made me bring him home with us! I think it only fair that you guys came with me to see an old farmhouse. It won't kill you."

Jamie thought about this for a moment and saw no room for argument. "Okay. I guess you're right."

So, Jamie and Nichole continued to drive down the road until they saw a gas station down the road. Nichole looked down at the gas gauge and noticed the marker was near E. So, she pulled over at the station.

"Why are we stopping? Are we there yet?" asked a young woman in the back seat between another young woman and a young man.

"No, Molly. We're stopping for gas. I'll be right back. Jamie, no driving and all of you: NO KILLING JAY!" Nichole yelled.

The young man on the left side sighed in relief.

"And Jay, no being stupid."

"Aw. So much for that," Jay mumbled. Nichole shook her head and walked into the station.

An old woman was looking at a magazine when Nichole walked in. Nichole looked around to see if they had some food in the station as well. She picked up a six-pack of soda and brought it up to the lady to buy with her gas.

As she paid for her gas, a group of scraggly looking bikers were staring at her as if she were the meal of the day. Nichole glared back and yelled, "You got something to say, say it! If not, leave me the hell alone." With that, Nichole left the station and went to pump the gas.

When she was finished, the biggest biker from inside the station came out and walked to Nichole.

"HEY! BITCH!" the man yelled to Nichole. As Nichole turned around, the big burly man threw his fist out to connect with her face. However, Nichole knew, that when someone called her a bitch, to duck and punch.

When Jamie saw this, she shouted, "Hey! No! Bad!" Jamie knew how this would end.

"If you're going to do this, let's do this the way we know." That got Nichole into the stance that got her the car they were driving and a reason to get out of Dodge for a while.

The biker looked at her and asked, "What is this?" Nichole got out of her stance and laughed.

"What's so funny, bitch?" the man inquired.

"What do you think, ass wipe?" Nichole questioned back. Nichole was a street fighter by profession when she wasn't selling multiple forms of insurance.

Bonnie, Molly, and Jay were cheering Nichole on while Jamie got out of the car to get between Nichole and the burly man.

The burly man looked on as Nichole bandaged her hands, Jamie got on a referee's jacket, and the others put on cheering regalia with Nichole's name on their clothes. This confused him beyond all reasoning, so he couldn't help but ask, "What are you doing?"

They all stopped what they were doing to look at him as if he were stupid. Finally, Nichole decided that he should know. She thought that his curious riding buddies that were coming out of the station should know too.

"Alright, if you're that stupid, I guess I should tell you. This is a street fight. There are two simple rules: 1) No foreign objects. That includes knives, guns, daggers, swords, anything along those lines. Rule 2) if you fall and don't get up for ten counts for any reason and I mean ANY reason, including death, you lose. Got me?"

The man just said, "Bring it on, bitch," and got into a boxing stance. Nichole only thought, '_This will be fun.' _

At Jamie's signal, the fight began. The burly man attacked first with a straight jab with his right hand. As instinct told her to do, she ducked. As soon as she ducked, her fist made contact with his stomach before she was completely crouched down. This made the man double over in pain, which meant he bowed his head just low enough for Nichole to straighten up and give him a head butt to his face. Once she had fully straightened, she landed a right hook to the face. Unfortunately, the punch knocked his head so far to the side and so fast, Nichole heard a sickening crack as he hit the ground, unmoving.

"DAMMIT!" Nichole shouted. Jamie went down to count off the seconds. After ten, Nichole's anger grew as Jamie checked for signs of a reason why the man didn't get up. He was dead.

Suddenly, the sheriff came driving up onto the parking lot. The man looked like an old disapproving sheriff from a western movie. He had an old face that looked like it was just made for frowning. The sheriff took one look at the scene, including Jamie hovering over a dead man and said, "What the hell is going on here?"

The bikers all ran away like children running from the mean old man in the neighborhood. Only Jay, Bonnie, Jamie, Molly, and Nichole remained, as well as the dead body.

Nichole decided that she couldn't get in any more trouble than she was already in back home, she stepped up to the sheriff and said, "I killed the big guy, sheriff. It was an accident, but I did kill him."

The sheriff gave her the look that said, "Shut the hell up or there will be a bullet in your head." Nichole would have to be an idiot to disobey the law...again. He looked hard at the body, saw the way his head was laying and shouted, "D'you kill him?"

Jamie emphatically said no. This slightly irritated the sheriff. "What, you don't think you killed him? I think you did. After all, why else would yer hands around his throat? You wanted to choke the life out of him if he was still on the ground?"

Nichole grabbed the sheriff and said, "She didn't kill him. I punched him in the jaw so hard that his neck broke. She was checking for pulse to confirm that he's dead. The coroner can confirm that and track my fist marks."

"Ma'am, I am the coroner. I don't know what you see here, but I see that this here little bitch just strangled a man to death in cold blood. Now, she's goin' to be comin' with me. If you want to resist the law, than you can come down, too. You gonna resist?"

Nichole gathered the last of the defiance of the law and said, "yeah, I'm gonna resist, you dumb fucker. I killed a man and she gets arrested for checking if there was a chance to save him. I think I will not only resist your judgement, I will fuckin beat the shit out of you if you lay one hand on her."

As soon as the last words came out of her mouth, the sheriff took the shotgun he had been holding and struck Nichole in the face with it.

Molly, Jay, and Bonnie all got out of the car and went to jump the sheriff when the sheriff turned the barrel of the gun to the three of them. With Nichole on the ground due to the strength of a metal gun barrel to her jaw and a gun to her three friends, Jamie did the only thing, she knew she could do. She ran to the car and grabbed the famous decision-making hat.

This hat had the many choices used in everyday life. Jamie always had a jumble of papers to put in the hat for every situation. She took out one that baggie with papers that said, "DIRE EMERGENCY".

"Oh boy. Now we're in for it," Nichole thought as she tested her jaw to check if there was anything detached. When she found there wasn't, she decided tell the sheriff what was going on before he thought she was getting a gun or something.

"She does that when she's stressed. She calls on the hat so that she knows what to do in frightening situations. It's a habit she has."

Jamie took out the hat, placed the pieces of paper into the hat and moved her hand around in it. She pulled out a piece of paper and read it aloud.

"Nichole will punch the bad person in the face."

Since Nichole never disobeyed Jamie, she got up and when the sheriff was about to swing his gun again, she dodged and punched the guy in the face. This knocked him to the ground and made him drop his shotgun. Nichole bent down, picked it up and aimed the barrel of the gun towards the sheriff.

Then, the sheriff did something Nichole never expected someone to do while there was a gun pointed at them: He laughed at her and spat on her shoes.

"You really think you can hit me with a gun you don't know how to use? Fine. Do it."

Nichole didn't know what to think about it.

"DO IT!" the sheriff demanded.

Out of natural instinct of "when in doubt, shoot," she pulled the trigger.

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Katana: What do you think? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! TELL ME!


End file.
